Chapter 14 Mindful

Paradoxically, the most driven and successful people are often the most dissatisfied. Why? well, to be successful in life you need to be a go-getter, a doer. You need good judgement, a logical mind and great problem-solving skills. What's more, you need the ability to evaluate where you are now and where you want to be. Then, need the drive and determination to close that gap. All these skills are highly regarded and essential for a successful life 'out there', but when it comes to a successful life 'in here' they aren't always so helpful. In fact, they can make matters worse.


Let me explain.


In the pursuit of a better life most people forget that, in the end, everything we do is motivated by a desire to attain an internal state: contentment, satisfaction and fulfillment. What's more, we forget that the stuff we achieve 'out there' won't guarantee this state. In fact, there will always be gaps to close. So we push on, frantically chasing things- money, fame, power and status- but we never seem to be satisfied. We always want more stuff. But it's never enough. It never leads to lasting fulfillment.


But even if we understand that 'more' is not going to make us feel better, we make matters worse b trying to solve the problems 'in here' in the same way that we solve problems 'out there'. And if we're a whiz at solving 'outer' problems we're going to be a mess if we apply the same strategies to our 'inner' life.


You see, problem solving isn't the best way to handle emotional issues. Why? Because it makes us think repeatedly about the very things that caused the problem in the first place. we just keep going around in circles, rehasing the same experience, in a desperate attempt to find a way out of our misery. 


But there is way out, another mode of mid, which is the opposite of the goal-driven, gap-closing mind. It's the 'being' mode. And, in contrast to the 'doing' mode, it isn't  motivated to achieve a particular goal. So there's no need for the constant review of the gap, assessing how things are with how we would ike them to be, makes us feel bad. Instead our focus is on 'accepting' and ' allowing' thingd to be as they are right now, without fantasising, yearning or hoping for something different.