Chapter 28 Forgive

We all have a threshold for forgiveness. Turn up 5 minutes late to meet some people and, hey, no problem. Turn up fifteen minutes late and they'll be seething with fury. You see, we all have a book of rules for living: what's right and what's wrong, what's acceptable and what's not. And come where in the small print is clause
that states: 'All human begins must abide by the rules of this book'.And, if they don't...

Now this might come as a shock so please brace yourself. Understand: your rulebook is not the only rulebook. In fact, there are probably as many rulebooks as there are humans on this planet. Sure, there's some overlap in themes: 'Thou shalt not kill' and the like. but, when it comes to everyday life it's the small things such as : 'Thou shalt not turn up fifteen minutes late' that matter. In other words, it's the infringement of our subtle, personal rules that leads to resentment.

Following that revelation, if you're not suffering from post- traumatic stress this is guaranteed to take you there. As strange as it might sound humans are designed to make mistakes. That's right. We will always make errors. Let's face it. We disappoint people on a regular basis. who doesn't? What's more, we will continue to slip up, blunder and miss the mark. If that weren't the case we'd never evolve. We'd have no
motivation to improve. there's be nothing to improve.

So why do we find it so difficult to forgive when they break our rules? It's bizarre. We don't resent a duck for quacking because that's what ducks do, but if our best friend, mate or lover fails to adhere to Section 34b of our personal rulebook, that's it. They must pay. Usually the penalty of choice is tit for fat, retaliation or revenge. But is it necessary to lower our behavior to the kind that we thought was unacceptable in the first place? Other times the penalty is more sophisticated: a boycott of the relationship. In both cases we want whoever hurt us to know how much we hurt, so we punish them. We want them to feel our pain or worse. But when we refuse to forgive we only end up punishing ourselves.

Now if you're still with me after that reasoning, this is likely to finish you off. You see, in a sense, there's no reason to forgive anyone for anything. Because forgiveness implies there is an intention in some body's mistake. but we're never at our best when we hurt other people. We're always doing the best we can, given where we are, what circumstances we're facing, and the tools we have to deal with those situations. If we really knew better, we'd do better.


You can decide how to take it.