Confident Chapter 5

We're often told to aim high. But more often than not we set goals that are too hard rather than too easy.The problem is, if we're out of our depth or experience consistent failure we erode our confidence. The typical solution is to set goals that stretch us but are achievable. For example: point in setting a goal to do twenty. So we set a target we can achieve, say eleven, in the hope that our confidence will benefit from the success. Sounds like a sensible idea. But, as you'll see, success isn't the best way to build confidence.

Observing others performing well can build confidence too. To improve my karate techniques i have spent hours watching video footage of world karate champions. Seeing the best in actions is a brilliant source of inspiration. So if you want to be more confident when, for example, speaking in public, meeting new people or facing an opponent, watch others and copy them. Confidence is contagious.

Add verbal persuasion to vicarious experience and you'll soon be well on your way to a more decisive and determined attitude.You see, words have the power to build confidence. Watch any major sports event and you'll see what i mean. Athletes are always talking to themselves. They curse when things go wrong and shout in jubilation when things go their way. You can use this technique too. The trick is to find words and phrases that work for you. Statement that evoke positive emotions are best. So if ' I can't afford to fail' makes you feel nervous and on edge, then try something different, such as:' stick to the plan, do your best and you'll be fine'.

If these how-to steps are still not enough to increase your levels of confidence then perhaps you need a better understanding of who you are. Let me explain. For most of us confidence is built on successful outcomes. So when we fail to achieve something important we tend to equate this failure with failure as a person. We lose confidence. And that's because we think we are defined by our behavior. But we're not. Take a closer look at yourself and you'll notice you consist of a number of aspects. Yes, you are your behavior. But you're also your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, memories and body parts too. And not one of those aspects is permanent. Not even your memories are consistent. Who you are as a person is constantly changing. So does it make sense to judge yourself as a failure with such a narrow measure? I thin not.

In case, if your confidence is built on your actions and the subsequent outcomes - a title, a qualification, a spouse or any other prize -  then it's standing on shaky ground. You see' confidence isn't all about being successful. Genuine confidence is built on knowing you're like every other human being on this planet: fallible, unique and constantly changing. Sure, parts of person. For example: you may be a better cook; they may be a better teacher. You may be great listener; they might have a way with words. But that doesn't make you superior or inferior to them.



Genuine confidence is built on knowing you're fallible, unique and constantly changing.

Understand: genuine confidence isn't built on success alone. And it can't be undermined by external circumstances - the way you look, failures, mistakes or other people's opinions. So accept yourself unconditionally and your confidence will be as firm as the ground you stand on.